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A Few Words about Folks

George W. Bush

Now, you probably heard President Bush's first comments to the nation on the terrible disaster of September 11th when he said: 'We're going to get the folks who did this.' I don't think the Folks of America have suffered a comparable blow since the late Will Rogers said during a national broadcast back in 1934: 'Some folks just ought to mind their own business.' This was a terrible setback from which it took us years to recover. But I think President Bush's comment was worse. Some people believe that the President knows what he is saying, and the negative effects have been widespread and immediate. Trash cans have been overturned. Windows have been soaped from coast to coast. A Mrs. Prettyman of River City said that her cat Tiddles was kidnapped, shaved and found wandering around painted the Mexican national colors. What's worse, there was a report of a drive-by shooting in Anytown. Thank goodness it was only with a rubbber-band gun. Allow me if I may to tell you some facts about the Folks of America which you may not know:

Folks eat dinner at six o'clock every day, and there's always a vacant place if you happen to drop by. After dinner, Folks sit on the porch listening to dance music on the radio while they eat home-made peach ice cream. Sometimes they talk. Younger Folks walk over to the high school baseball diamond and watch the VFW play the team from Ferguson's Feed Emporium. Folks will return your football if it goes over into their yard. And baseballs. They might draw the line at bowling balls. Folks will buy Girl Scout cookies, charity Christmas cards and even lottery tickets at the front door if they are for a church or another good cause, but they don't hold with gambling for the sake of it. Folks have boys named Buddy who play the clarinet in the school band and will take your daughter to the Alhambra Theater, buy her buttered popcorn and a Coke and say good-night with a handshake and no funny business. Folks have daughters nicknamed Midge who are alternates for the school pompon squad and recording secretary of Job's Daughters. They usually wear braces well into their late teens. Folks will loan you their lawnmower and not complain if you return it covered with dried grass. Folks know all of the words to the second verse of 'Amazing Grace'. Folks still have Uncle Jerry's Purple Heart in a drawer someplace along with the gold-star pennant and telegram grandma got from the War Department when he didn't come back from Guadalcanal. Folks like a joke as much as the next person but nothing off-color.

Those are just a sample of the many things the Folks of America are. And I'll tell you what Folks definitely are NOT. The kind of people who highjack airliners and crash them into skyscrapers and the Pentagon, killing thousands of people and causing many millions of dollars worth of property damage. Never have, never will. Now that you know these things, next time someone starts talking to you about those awful folks who did those awful things, I hope you will put them straight in no uncertain terms.

Thank you for your time.

W. Otis 'Red' Whitenblew
President Emeritus
The Folks of America