Dear One Millionth Charles Alverson Fan,

You are the ONE MILLIONTH person to have logged onto this website TODAY and as such you are entitled to TODAY'S FREE PRIZE which is either a BMW or an Audi Quattro TT or A Year's Supply of Genuine Brass Stair Rods.  All you have to do to claim your prize is send your name, address, telephone number, a blood sample, your shoe size and a cheque for $89,000 to cover postage and packing and we will send you your prize by return or sooner.  It will probably be the stair rods.

In addition you will also receive - ENTIRELY FREE OF CHARGE - the following Introduction to the World famous Charles Alverson Website, penned by his old friend and Monty Python teamster Terry Jones.

Terry Jones

Introduction to the world famous Charles Alverson website

by Terry Jones

Hi! It gives me enormous pleasure to write this Introduction to the World Famous Charles Alverson Website, mainly because I am doing so while sitting in a bathful of naked women. I have previously written introductions to famous writers while squatting in a tea-chests full of dying rodents and while being trampled to death by rogue Tibetan yaks shod with sharpened steel clogs, but neither gave me such great pleasure as this. Even being tied onto a partially dismantled dishwasher and then hurled down the precipitous north face of the Eiger was not nearly as pleasurable and experience as writing this Introduction for the World Famous Charles Alverson Website.

I hope reading this Introduction to the World famous Charles Alverson Website, will give you as much pleasure as I am having in writing it. But I doubt it. Ooooh that's good! That's good! That's very good! That's better! Now where was I?

The World Famous Charles Alverson Website is, in my opinion, one of the finest and most skillfully crafted websites devoted entirely to the writings of Charles Alverson on the World Wide Web today. If, like me, you have long been an ardent admirer of this fine writer, then, like me, you will welcome this chance to log onto his World Famous Website and, like me, you too, no doubt, will, without, once, under, up and by the way.

So enjoy the World Famous Website! Feel free to browse amongst the new and unpublished writings of Charles Alverson, while furry little creatures run up and down your legs, or while the tender hands of young temptresses, fondle your manly parts and rub their thighs up against your latest copy of The Readers' Digest. Be prepared to be tickled, stimulated, aroused and last but not least turned into a better person by this contact with one of the funniest, vividest and raciest writers in the Tlingit* language today.

Terry Jones, London 5/2/2001

*Tlingit - a language spoken by probably less that 1,000 in the Alaskan Panhandle.